This is what depression looks like…

One of the best articles I’ve read in a long time [via Huffington Post ].

I want you to picture a person with depression. Are you seeing the dark bedroom, filthy sweatpants, empty eyes, poor health and general lack of prosperity?

You know what I see when I picture depression? A blonde, blue-eyed teenage girl. She gets awesome grades, loves to paint, go to football games, drink Starbucks, Instagram and giggle with her friends. She can quote Harry Potter, obsesses over makeup tutorials and cannot wait for college. She looks back at me every morning in the mirror.

The worst part of a depressive episode is when someone asks questions like “Why?” “What happened?” or “Was someone mean to you?” Sometimes, there is an antecedent, but more often than not, depression just hits you. It feels like riding a bike, and in the blink of an eye, you’re trying to pedal through quicksand with no tires. Moreover, it is almost impossible to explain, so trying to answer these questions makes you feel like even more of a failure. It can be frustrating as a friend or family member to read this — advice is much easier to give when there is a definitive issue at hand. The best thing you can do when you are trying to help someone with depression is to simply be there.

Read the rest of the article here.

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Well last night was fun.

I woke up last night around 11 pm, buzzing with energy. I knew that I simply could not go back to bed. So I didn’t. I baked, I cleaned, did laundry, answered work emails. And I also wrote some emails…at 3:30 am. One was to my best friend, telling her about my diagnosis (she still hasn’t responded yet and that’s making me quite anxious/ sad). The other was to my therapist, haha… needless to say, he ask why the heck I was up so late and if I was okay.

I told him I was, and I truly am. I enjoy hypomania and this latest episode has been quite prolific and productive. My co-workers certainly enjoyed the baked goods I brought them. One of them also asked if I was manic as a joke…little do they know!

During times like these, it feels good to have a secret thats just mine. Does that make any sense?

Anyway, I’ve been up for almost 24 hours at this point. I’ve barely eaten. There is a big snow storm coming and I offered one of my co-workers who lives far away my guest room. I probably shouldn’t have done that…

I know that I need good quality sleep tonight and food.

So that’s what I’m going to focus on at the moment. I’m not sure if the hypomania will calm down tonight. I sure as hell would rather NOT be up for another night. But who knows. I’ll let it run it’s course. This is just me, it’s a part of who I am. I’m slowly learning to be okay with it. 🙂