Having a mental illness and wanting to focus on recovery/ healing makes me feel so…selfish.
I feel bad canceling commitments, saying “no”, and staying away from people I used to be close to.
But what other choice do I have?
For the first time in my life, I need to focus on me. My healing. My future. I need to make choices that won’t lead to extra stressors..because for my bipolar brain, these extra stressors may lead to depression or hypomania.
I have to say no to helping others because I need to help myself first. I have to stay away from those that bring me down, regardless of how “close” we used to be. I simply cannot go out and drink all night anymore. I simply cannot go dancing till 4 a.m. I need to get good sleep, eat right and exercise.
I have to disappoint and possibly hurt people in order to get better. And that terrifies me. But I’m also at a point where my mental health means more. I know I can never fully “recover”, but I can get pretty damn close.
I’m worth it.